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Tuesday, October 05, 2004

This is a SATIRE...although some of it may ring true.

55 Reasons To Vote For Bush and Republicans In 2004
by James Boyne

Vote for President Bush and Republican Senators and Congressmen if:


You think $900/month ($10,800/year) is a fair price for a health insurance policy. You are unaware that health insurance premiums have increased 60% since Bush took office. You haven’t heard that by the time you retire your employer will NOT be offering retirement health benefits for you and your spouse.

You are already retired and don’t believe that your former life long employer would have the cruelty or the legal power to simply drop you and all of its retirees from its health insurance policy. You think you are set for life.

You are against big Federal and State programs like Medicare and Medicaid and would rather pay the $60,000 a year on your own for a nursing home when one of your elderly parents or your spouse gets too sick to live at home. You don’t believe it can happen to you.

You believe that it is more likely that a fanatical, religious, Muslim terrorist will attack your home and family rather than a nursing home will attack your entire life savings and confiscate the home of your parents---the home you grew up in.

You see terrorists killing people all the time on TV but you have never seen the TV show a single person who has died because they were one of the 50 million who can’t afford health insurance----so it must not be a big deal, not having health insurance. All those 50 million uninsured Americans must be poor people who live far away from you and they are probably in perfect health anyway. You have your duct tape and gas mask and are ready for the attack. Anyway, Bush says we are safe----for now.

You are at work sitting in your cubicle and don’t really believe that President Bush is referring to YOU when he says that the average American should expect to change jobs at least eight times in their lives---and to prepare to retrain for a different career at your local Community College. You think President Bush is talking about factory workers, not about you.

You are a factory worker and don’t believe that your job can be outsourced to China or India because you have been working there for over ten years and your company would never do that to you because Bush visited your state and went to a factory and stood in front of a big banner that read “Jobs and Growth” and everyone cheered and applauded him. You haven’t seen the look on the faces of the one billion workers in China and the 750 million workers in India that are “licking their lips” at the thought of doing your job, for you, for 60 cents an hour with no benefits.

You are totally ignorant of the fact that the Bush administration and the Republican controlled Congress and Senate have encouraged 3 million illegal immigrants to cross our southern border into the United States every year. This is permitted so that Corporations have a continual, cheap source of labor to draw upon---millions of immigrants who will work 60 hours a week with no benefits of any kind at any job they can find. This is why, when you get laid off from your presently good job, you will not be able to find even a “bad” job to replace it.

You still believe in the catchphrase “give me your tired, your poor, your hungry, your desperate…..” and believe that 3 million illegal immigrants every year is no problem since Bush doesn’t think it’s a problem. You never wonder how many Arab terrorists, Latin American drug dealers, prostitutes, felons, dangerous criminals, etc. are hiding amongst the 3 million destitute poor streaming over our southern border. You believe your Republican Senator that the real threat is frail, sick, elderly Americans crossing into Canada to get their prescriptions filled----not 3 million illegal immigrants streaming over the Arizona , New Mexico , Texas and California border.

You don’t believe or haven’t heard that Federal Reserve Chairman Alan Greenspan believes that the retirement age for Social Security benefits as well as eligibility for your company benefits will have to be raised to Age 70, because of Bush’s anticipated huge trillion dollar deficits.

You believe drug companies should prevent you from buying American drugs from Canada at half price. You are against this type of free trade because Bush says it is unsafe and “no medication” is a better choice for you. President Bush has taken cocaine so he is an expert on the dangers of drugs. This is good. This is what we need in a President----first hand experience.

You are a senior citizen and you think you are about to receive all your medication for free because President Bush has passed the “prescription drugs for seniors under Medicare” legislation in 2006. You are ignorant of the fact that this legislation will probably be stalled and postponed until 2010 so more money can be diverted to the war in Iraq and so more food, medical supplies and prescription medication can be rushed to the destitute, destroyed, demoralized Iraqis.

You are dead set against big Federal entitlement programs for Americans. You believe hard work and sweat are what made America great----but you don’t mind whatsoever the thought of giving Iraqis $1 trillion in direct handouts over the next ten years in order to shove liberation and freedom down their throat so they will stop hating us because we are free. You believe everything President Bush says because He is Commander-in-Chief and that is a pretty impressive title.

You think large tax breaks for CEO’s making over $50 million are good, but you’re unaware your own CEO may have to cut the company budget and eliminate your position.

You never work or get paid for overtime so you don’t care about the recent Bush bill that will eliminate overtime pay for 8 million workers. You don’t know any of the 9 million unemployed U.S. and don’t know anyone in Iraq .

You work 10 hours a day as a waitress at the Waffle House and don’t mind working for $2 an hour, plus tips, (not to exceed $5.15 an hour) and would never even want to be entitled to a decent minimum wage or be able to afford health benefits. You are going to vote for Bush because Bush is tough, and all the Southern States are tough, ready to fight, and rare’in to go. You think George W. is a tough, rough talking Texan and are unaware that his privileged billionaire family background is actually from Greenwich , Connecticut , the wealthiest New England enclave in the nation.

You are one of the following---a highly paid Accountant, Engineer, Insurance Administrative Manager, Pharmaceutical Industry Analyst, Executive Assistant, Financial Analyst, Information Technology Specialist, or high level Computer Programmer. You believe President Bush when he says, “outsourcing is good for America ”. You can’t envision that there are 10 million young, highly intelligent, super motivated, eager, extremely bright accountants, engineers, managers, analysts, and computer programmers living in India, China, the Philippines, Japan, and Eastern Europe that are ready, willing and eager to do the same job you are doing for a fraction of the salary you are paid---plus they don’t expect health insurance, retirement plans, employer 401k plans, state worker’s compensation protection, unemployment benefits, or American laws and protection of any kind. If Bush says it good policy to let all these jobs (including yours) go bye-bye, then HE must be right. It’s the Conservative Republican way---be liberal with our jobs (the backbone of our economy)---just give them away to foreign nations, friend and foe alike. It’s OK if our economy is for sale.

Your state has a budget deficit of $2 billion but we should spend $600 billion in Iraq during the next four years so Iraq doesn’t have a budget deficit. You think its great that President Bush has personally approved the forgiveness of all Iraqi national debts and also think its great that our own American deficit has gone from a $500 billion surplus to a $500 billion deficit under President Bush. You think that taxes will just be coming down, down, down under Bush until no one ever has to pay any taxes ever again----and everything will be fine.

You know Iraq has more oil than any other country in the world, but no one knows where the oil ends up after it comes out of the ground or who got the money for it. You don’t mind the thought of paying $3.00 a gallon, or $4.00 a gallon, as long as you don’t have to get out of your car to pump it yourself.

You would like to see us attack Syria , Iran , and North Korea and Cuba at a cost of $1 trillion, because they are bad and are trying to get us and we better get them first. These rogue countries are sneaky and have tens of thousands of nuclear missiles and weapons of mass destruction pointed at us. You don’t know how much $1 trillion is. (Answer: It’s $1,000,000,000,000 or a million million dollars. $1 trillion dollars could pay for 25 million jobs that would pay $40,000 for a year. $1 trillion could employ all of the 9 million unemployed for the next three years. The United States could probably purchase peacefully all of North Korea for $1 trillion dollars.). All this math scares you and you like Bush’s quirky smile and his simple statements.

You never did like “Perry Mason” and you think all trial lawyers are bad and you want to be first in line to give up your right to be legally represented in a Court of Law even if you or your family are severely injured. You think that this will cause the price of health insurance premiums to plunge to of unheard of low rates, almost overnight. You believe that doctors will flood into rare specialties to help the shortage that now exists. You believe Bush when he says, “we gotta help out the doc’s”. “The doc’s are hurtin’ bunch”. You want the law changed so that patients can never sue their doctors----so that only doctors can sue their patients. Its makes perfect sense. You’ll just go with the flow. Terrorism is scarier.

You are a woman and want abortion made illegal, and want women imprisoned for obtaining one, to teach them a lesson. Anyway, you can afford to travel to Sweden .

You are a man and want to make sure that women having abortions is illegal, and that the men (also known at the “fathers”) who impregnate the women are completely and totally blameless if such a crime is committed.

You believe Bush when he says that the terrorists hate us because we are free. You think we should liberate Iraq even if they still want to keep their culture of forced marriages of 70 year men to 10 year old girls; stoning to death women who commit adultery but “winking” at men who commit adultery; murdering young girls who have shamed their family by losing their virginity; maintaining the “cutting of the genitals” ritual of young girls to make sure they don’t stray or have impure impulses; and the Iraqi national pastime of hating all things American.

You like Pat Robertson, the TV evangelist. You send him contributions and you pray with him for the “passing” of three Supreme Court Justices.

You are 100% for the death penalty and its OK if a few hundred people get executed when they were actually totally innocent. It’s the price we have to pay.

You think that 2 million people in jail is normal and we need to lock up even more people. You think we have won the war on drugs because no one ever talks about it anymore.

You think $20,000 to $30,000 a year to send your child away to college is just fine and it’s a good buy.

You are a doctor and want doctors to be imprisoned for accidentally or purposely causing an abortion.

You are a doctor and like spending more time with insurance paper work, pharmaceutical sales reps, your office personnel, your lawyer, phone calls to insurance reps and drug stores, and you find your patients too time consuming and annoying.

You are planning to move to China or India and want a job with an American company there. (Working for 35 cents an hour with no benefits).

You never visited a National Park (Yellowstone, Yosemite, the White Mountains ) and don’t care about them. They look fine on the postcards you get from friends.

You are a teacher and think that our educational system is tops in the world.

Your town just rejected spending increases of $5 million for additional teachers and much needed reconstruction of the school buildings, and it’s closing a local medical clinic but you think it’s a good idea for President Bush to give $50 billion to a few warring countries in Africa that are in total chaos, so they can build schools, hire teachers, open clinics, and then destroy them as they continue to kill each other in never ending civil wars.

You keep getting Liberia mixed up with Lebanon , Latvia , and Louisiana so you don’t really care who gets the $15 billion Bush earmarked of one of those countries. (Note: It was Liberia ). $50 billion for AID’s in Africa is good too, even though you don’t have a clue as to how it is going to be spent.

You like paying $2.00 a gallon for gas because Exxon/Mobil must be hurting.

You don’t mind transferring your computer technology skills to serving coffee in Dunkin’ Donuts for $6.00 an hour with no health insurance.

You think Saddam Hussein attacked the World Trade Center and can’t remember who Osama bin Laden is. You forgot who had the weapons of mass destruction; us or them.

You don’t see anything wrong with President Bush continuing on with a photo-op at a second grade elementary school after he learned the first World Trade Center was attacked. You see nothing wrong with him reading “My Pet Goat” (your favorite story) for seven minutes after he was informed “Mr. President, we are under attack” after the second World Trade Center tower was hit.

You believe that 50 million people without health insurance isn’t all that bad. You think that the solution is that they just better not get sick.

You think that your company enjoys paying most of your health premiums and they probably have never thought about eliminating your position.

You don’t know what the Homeland Security Department does, how much it costs your State Government, and you can’t name all the colors on the color-coded alert chart.

You don’t live in the Northeast so last year’s electrical blackout didn’t affect you but you think we should spend $18 billion on the electrical grid in Iraq .

You think the 150,000 American troops are having fun in Iraq and we should send more to protect the Iraqi’s from the Iraqi’s.

You are getting use to beheadings and car bombings. You think Iraq is like the liberation of Western Europe in WW II----maybe we just need to give the Iraqis more chocolate bars and Coca Cola.

You love the new Bush doctrine of “assault weapons for everyone”. You are a “suburban soccer Mom” or a Republican stereotyped “NASCAR Dad”. You have three young teenagers. Your favorite hobby is to load up the old machine gun with a clip of ammo that can spray 30 bullets a second and go hunting for squirrels and rabbits. You like to “blast away”. You like Bush because HE will stick up for your Second Amendment right to “keep and bear arms” including automatic assault weapons, machine guns, AK-47 fully automatic rifles, grenade launchers, bazookas, sticks of dynamite, hand grenades, explosives and any other weapon that is good for hunting squirrels, rabbits, pheasants, and deer.

You saw some of the speeches from the Republican National Convention. You were mesmerized by Zell Miller’s patriotic frenzy and by Schwarrzeneger’s call for Terminating the Terrorists. You got goose bumps from re-living the 9/11 experience through the words of Mayor Rudy and Governor Pataki and Mayor Bloomhead. You got the shivers all over again. You stood in front of the TV waving your little American flag when glassy eyed, George W himself spoke to the crowd (even if he wasn’t reading “My Pet Goat”). You truly believe that when you lose your job, your health benefits, and your house that you can just call up on the phone---Zell, Arnold, Rudy, Pataki, Bloomhead or George himself and they will use their connections to help you (a loyal Republican) out of your pickle.

You think President Bush and the Republican Party deserve contributions from the pharmaceutical and health insurance industry and you don’t mind paying $200 for a bottle of prescription drugs even though the President has personally raised $200 million for his campaign war chest.

You like seeing constant TV commercials for powerful, potentially dangerous prescription drugs because if you didn’t you wouldn’t know you were so sick and your doctor wouldn’t tell you about the drugs without you asking him. You are unaware that pharmaceutical companies actually spend more on TV commercial jingles and marketing campaigns than they do for meaningful, scientific research. We need to protect our multi-national corporations from the nit picking, whiney, dangerous, senior citizens that never cease complaining.

You like President Bush’s tough talk and get a kick out of the expressions “we’re gonna smoke ‘em out and bring ‘em ta justice”; “we’re gonna get ‘em dead or alive”; “bring ‘em (the terrorists) on”; and “we’re gonna get ‘dem folks who knocked down da buildings”, and you think this eloquent speaking, (prepared and reviewed by 100 Presidential speechwriters) enhances our stature in the world.

You like to see President Bush getting off the shiny green helicopter with his two dogs and he always smiles and waves and holds hands with his wife and that seems nice.

Your main source of information is the Nightly News where you hear 20 minutes of short sound bites from any one Presidential candidate speaking for 15 seconds on the $600 billion being spent on Iraq , intermingled with 15 commercials for pharmaceutical products that “speak” for 30 seconds each. You especially like the chemotherapy and rheumatoid arthritis commercials that show healthy people walking their dogs on beautiful green grass with beautiful sunsets with soothing music; and the commercials where people have been cured of their diarrehea and constipation and can get to work on time.

You voted for Bush’s father when he won and you voted for Bush’s father when he lost. And you voted for this current President Bush when he lost, but then you found out he won because of something in Florida . And it’s easy to remember the name Bush, so you might as well vote for him again.

You live in Florida where it doesn’t matter who you vote for because Governor Jeb and the Courts will figure out who won anyway.

If you find yourself in full agreement with many of the points outlined above you undoubtedly need to vote for Bush. If any of the above situations cause you to pause and think about what this President has gotten us into, you better make sure you vote for Kerry.


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